So here it is. Today is officially the last day of my time as a stay at home mum. The last day of my family leave before I return to the paid work force tomorrow. I am so lucky. I’ve been able to stay at home for as long as I wanted to, and I get to return to a job that I love, a job that I am passionate about, and a work place full of people that I admire… and who include some of my closest friends.
But, this sense of change is strange. I am excited. I am nervous. I am eager. I am cautious. I am acutely aware of how different it will be to go back to a job I once did in a full time capacity as a part time employee. And… I will miss my boy more than I have probably let myself realise.
If there is ever an opportunity for a High School Musical reference… I’ll take it!
I know I am only working 2 days a week, but they are 2 days that I’ve normally been there for Raff. And I know that having one day with my husband will be brilliant for both of them, as will the day with my mum. But it’s not with me. So how am I feeling about it? I guess my inner martyr (hands up Mum’s if you fall into this category!), is learning to let go, let others help, and remember that Raff needs lots of people in his life, not just me.
I have been his go-to for over 2.5 years. Even though my husband is hands down the best Dad I know, sorry guys, he just is… Raff, 95% of the time, will seek me out over him when we are both around. For cuddles, for comfort, for food, for entertainment, to bath him, to dress him, to put him to bed. No, Mummy do it! He will exclaim quite often in our house. A part of me loves it, the part that wants to make him feel constantly safe and protected; the knowledge that he knew I was always here for him. But man, it can be exhausting!
Of course, if I’m not there, Daddy can do anything. And if Daddy takes him out for a run, bike ride, or trip to the park and supermarket, he is golden. It’s as if Mummy at home is another dimension. Cheers to my main man for being at Coles right now while I gather myself in readiness for work tomorrow, and have a solo coffee… and write my blog 😛
So I know, deep down, it is a good change. A change in our routine that will benefit everyone. Flexible work environments mean my husband can have a whole day at home with our boy. How awesome. And, I must admit… I’m also ready for a shake-up.
I have overwhelmingly loved being at home with Raff. I would not change it for the world, and actually feel really proud of Daniel and I for working so hard in all those pre-kid years so that we had the choice; that I could choose to stay at home for as long as I wanted. But now I’m ready to work outside the home too. Ready for a bit of professional adult time… teaching teenagers! Hahahaha!
Hands down, being a Mum is the best job there is. But, these are the things I am looking forward to about working outside of the home:
- Getting dressed in swanky work clothes… see ya later leggings!
- Driving in my car to work, one day a week, ALONE! Podcasts, talk back radio and music of MY CHOICE here we come!
- Drinking my coffee HOT, and at my pleasure… not sculling it because someone has lost their shit at a café, or drinking it in a takeaway cup whilst pushing the pram… although I actually love doing that too! (So much of our mum life is a conundrum hey!?)
- Professional conversations about curriculum and Ethics and History and student development and reporting and exams and assessment… I know this makes me sounds somewhat ‘nerdish’ … but I became a teacher for a reason… I love all that stuff!
And probably, most importantly… it’s something that is just for me.
My work is just for me.
It isn’t shared with my son, or my husband.
And there is something to that. To regaining a little piece of you that is somewhat removed from your parenting/home life. A little piece of you that was a big piece of you before kids. A little piece of you that you actually love. A little piece of you that’s makes you feel accomplished in things other than playing trains, cooking dinner, and reading bedtime stories.
It sounds stupid after all of that to then say I’ll miss Raff like crazy. But I will. The lazy mornings on the couch playing cars in out jarmies … the ability to do whatever we wanted each day… walks, park, playgroup, swimming, the library, play centre… nothing at all…! I love that freedom and sense of control over my own life.
Hiking, mid-morning bed cuddles, shopping and swimming
But it’s not gone completely… I just don’t have the same schedule every single day. And I think a splice of VARIETY is good. I think I need it actually.
So I’m ready, to GET MY HEAD IN THE GAME… throwback to Zac Effron… again… ahhhhh….
And use different parts of my brain, and converse with other teachers and students, and to feel like I am contributing to our life in a different capacity.
I’m so lucky to have the support of my wonderful family on my return to work. We’re all in this together (hehehehehe) and I kind of can’t wait!